Grief & Dentistry

Day 1210.

I went to the dentist 2 years ago. They knew about Luke. I warned them.

They said that the appointment was one hour. I said that was OK but it really can not be any longer. I am too anxious to sit still any longer and I will have to leave. I told them I had a therapy appointment and I can’t miss a second of that.

They understood. But clearly I did not. I had no idea what was about to befall me.

The dental hygienist is chirpy. I put a stop to that kindly. I couldn’t do that “how have you been?”chatter. “My answer won’t be fun, I don’t have fun holidays to discuss and no, I don’t floss and I barely brush my teeth.”

She knows me. she knows Luke.

The last time I was in her chair, Luke had the appointment right after me. She got the full ‘Luke and Sheila show’ as he burst in to the room. That show was loving, playful and funny. She speaks of it fondly - aah that’s better, now I am at ease.

I have never had an issue with the dentist’s chair. I have spent so much time comfortable with various dentists since I smashed a front tooth as a small child. Crowns, bridges, bone grafts, gum grafts, implants followed, and that’s on top of the root canals and myriad fillings.

But things are different now. Everything is different.

The hygienist cleans away. I like her, I always have. Luke did too.

The high pitch sound of the water jets, the vibration of the tooth polishing is all right in the center of my head, my mouth wide open, allowing the outside world into the middle of my being.

A panic attack rises and lurks at arms length as I am forced to lie still. I am able to cope until I am not and suddenly at 1 hour I can do no more.

No, I won’t see the dentist. No, I don’t care if she is ready right now. I leave.

Later we see similar experiences with Adam and Jesse getting agitated by the vibrations and sounds of dentistry. It’s a thing!

I am back here 2 years later, armed and ready for this reaction. I warned the new hygienist that it seems to be a thing. She took it slow, she took it gently, but the high pitched sound and vibrations are still oscillating inside my head ..... and….. nothing. It didn’t happen. It all went well. Not an inkling!

So, 650 days later, 1210 days after Luke’s death, the dentist triggered trauma has gone!