Happy Birthday Darling x

Day1346.

Today is Luke’s birthday.

Covid lockdown is upon us and so, for the first time since he was born - there is no big party.

The new badges are here - 100% Cyan. Turquoise feels like the colour of optimism.

We had a ‘Full English’, the breakfast of champions, Luke’s favorite, for the small group that we quarantine with. The Eton Mess of tradition was served, as always but now with the added ingredient of tears.

I lick the mixing bowl clean myself because Luke isn’t here to do it and feel the loss of my boy as I do so.

We quietly release a dozen butterflies to the sky and as I do so I think that there are not enough butterflies to honor him.

It’s a far cry from Luke’s previous birthdays both in life and in death.

The masks people wear are a sign that no comforting hugs are available and so my sadness turns inward.

I don’t want to live in a world without human contact.