I Miss Missing Luke

Day 1117.

Although I do want to write that things get better, because they do, it’s not all good news because I miss missing Luke.
I can’t feel him.

Is it because so much time has passed that the joy of being with him is too far?

There’s a distance too, between here and the immediate shock and the agony of his death.

And yet the feeling that I am lost reaches across that distance.
It’s a type of numbness.
A type of pain not connected to its source.
It’s not connected to anything.

Numbness from the agony, numbness from the missing, numbness from the joy of Luke.