So Much Fear

Day 809.

People say I am brave, but the past two and a half years have been terrifying and I am still terrified.

Far from brave.

Far from strong.

I am in constant fear. 

Fear of how far grief has taken me. 

Fear of how much pain a human can feel.

Fear of what will become of us.

Fear of never seeing Luke again.

Fear of not being able to tolerate this.

Fear that I cannot make a difference.

Fear that this epidemic will kill George.

Fear that this epidemic will kill my grandchildren.