A New Happy

Day 1195.

Christmas, I text Jesse, was tough, but we had a lovely time. She says the same. That’s all we get.

Everyday will be tough, that’s just how it is, that’s our base layer.

The question is, can we have fun and be happy? Experience enjoyment on top of that base layer?

The answer appears to be yes, I can. And so can Jesse.

I know, it sounds shit that in the background, all the time, is the dull ache of my longing, my missing. At any given moment I could just jump up, run outside and scream and wail and cry out his name- So take that as a given - my soul is doing that. But I really can enjoy as well. It’s a new happy.