Let Luke Rest

Day 399.

Today my mother said to me to “Let Luke rest”.

I had shared with her that life was hard because no matter what, Luke is still dead and that was her response.

She doesn’t believe in spirits, so how could I be either keeping him from rest or be able to, even if I could?

“Let him rest” - does it mean I should let things go?

To save me?

To save him?

I will ponder the theory of this.

I will reject the pain that envelopes me at the thought of “letting him go”

or

“Letting him rest”.

Does my yearning for him keep him from rest?

To stop the yearning would seem disloyal to Luke, like I have given up on him.

Is the cessation really to give me peace?

How does that ever happen? 

It is indeed the contact with him, in his new form, that keeps me from death myself.

For a life without him is not a consideration, not an option.

I am distressed that this may cause him distress.

I will not seek clarification from my mother, for fear of worsening the pain.

The grief of Luke’s grandmother - is it as sharp as mine? Or is this suggestion to save me? Her child?

Would a woman protect her child over her grandchildren? 

or does she just not know how much pain I feel without him? 

If so, I have protected her well.