Seeking a New Constellation

Day 525.

Not only do I have to completely unravel to rebuild, well that’s what happened - but I also have to reform. But how, or in what form, is unclear.

My body shell is the same, but I am like a jigsaw, with all my pieces lying in a pile at the bottom of the bag, in the corner of the box it came in.

I cannot redo the puzzle to complete “Old Sheila”, “Sheila with Luke alive” because now there are pieces missing.

Luke and all that he brought, is missing. The vital pieces that Luke was, means the structure of me is gone. A more positive way to think about it is that the constellation is broken, the stars scattered. All the pieces are still here, but the constellation is dispersed. The stars that are Luke, are gone… or are they different? The question yet to be answered.

The answer not yet revealed is - what new constellation will be formed? The Luke stars in a new form? For it is true that I cannot be without Luke in my constellation.

Interacting in a world in this pile of me, unformed, is hard.

I am everything that I was not:

Weak

Unenergetic

Scattered