Where There's Life, There's Hope

Day 647.

Adam’s friend wrote him an email after reading my book.

He was triggered by my suicidal writing and warned Adam to be vigilant, the aftermath of his own brother’s suicide, so painful still.

He saw it as a selfish act. Why do people feel it to be so selfish an act?

It was, to me, an act to not only release myself from intolerable pain, but also to relieve those around me from dealing with the burden of me. A selfless act. I am past that now.

Adam and I spoke about that time when I had thought myself a burden. He said it was as if I was in a coma and although I was not always giving them anything - it was hope that fueled them, the hope that I would one day be back. My living gave them hope.

It was the same with living alongside Luke in drug use, whilst he lived, there was hope.

I’m numb now. I am not back, not here and not gone. Purgatory.