Right Back There

Day 1155.

And just as I thought I was done with obsessing about that night.........I am right back there.

What I know, what I don’t know, all that I can not bare to face is right here upon me, spinning and weaving trying to create a picture that makes sense.

Trying to know if Luke was happy or desperate.

Trying to know how that fatal dose was administered.

Did he like it?

Was it amazing?

Did he know what he was taking?

Did it make him ill?

Was he scared?

Did he regret it?

The moment that he stopped breathing.

Was he afraid?

Was he in pain?

Was he laughing?

Why did nobody help him?

Round and round.

It brings me to my knees.